Let’s get something straight:
Nobody admires you for being anorexic,
That’s just the voice in your head.
They will not applaud you,
Or think of you as ‘controlled’, or
They will not envy you,
They do not see your slow suicide
Anorexia does not make you special,
Different or unique.
Your laughter, your passions,
Your smile, are why people love you.
They do not love anorexia,
They love you, and though the voice says
Without it you are nothing.
I promise, without anorexia
You are everything.
Recovery is a choice,
And it means you have to fight.
Eat, even when anorexia is screaming
At you to stop.
Recovery is learning,
That you are admirable without being thin,
That you are interesting without anorexia,
That you are worth more than a life
With a demon in your head, who
Wants to kill you.
You are perfect, and you do not
Need this disease, to make you
Feel worthy of life.
Please, do not
Put your trust in Anorexia Nervosa,
You are worth
So much more.
girls aren’t “easy”, girls don’t have difficulty levels. some girls like sex and some girls don’t. you aren’t winning anything by getting either of them to sleep with you.
Some girls only want sex after emotional closeness develops, but to call this “difficulty” says some really disturbing shit about what you think emotional closeness is for.
and i could fit a fist in the gap between my thighs
but i couldn’t feel beautiful so i assumed maybe
i was doing skinny wrong, more collarbones more coffee
less control over what was killing me
thank god for every food that broke my fast
even though i cursed its poor existence and
tried to puke it, thank god for every crumb and
calorie that kept me living
thank god for recovery, for hair that shines
like the setting sun, for fingernails that don’t
flake off, for hipbones that don’t bruise just by
looking at them, for hands that are strong enough
to hold onto the ones i love instead of
shaking so hard that they cannot write
a poem, thank god for the people who saw me at
my worst, for the boy who stood next to me in the shower
when my knees hit the ground and i sobbed for an hour,
thank god for the girl who kept sending me text
messages about how good being healthy is
until i finally believed them, thank god for
the love spilling out like liquor over these bones
until i finally got better, so yes
my tummy is round now like
a smooth hill and my thighs kiss each other
like a desperate couple and my arms are puffed up
and i fucking love it
because i am alive.